I don't feel I have these much, but I was feeling it this past weekend. I really thought I was doing good going into the weekend after working out four times at the gym, and even going on a 20 mile bikeride one evening with a friend. It was an emotionally stressful work week though, and it all came tumbling down Friday night. I didn't have much of a break till Saturday afternoon. Jake was working and I was babysitting my sister's kids. I will blame it on hormones. I don't know where else it came from, except add a little exhaustion there. And then add a touch of finance worries. I often tend to go on overdrive until my mind and body collapse.
And the worst part of all this is I crawled right into the "feeling sorry for yourself" zone. And I HATE, HATE, HATE that feeling. Because I know that is the worst thing you can do for yourself if in a slump. And as I sat there Saturday in my slump, I allowed it to take over, and be a person, that I truly dislike.
I know that when you get down you are supposed to dust yourself off, and get right back on that horse. I use this idiom because I feel I can after attending a most fantastic annual rodeo in our hometown! There is not one other activity I have found that allows my four year old and two year old to sit still for 3.5 hours. Ben and Jonna enjoyed it to the uptmost.
Family came in town, and we even celebrated a birthday for Jake's sister before the rodeo. Things started to turn up. Kids, Jake, and I went to bed late, and woke up late. 7:45 late. I can't tell you how amazing it is to sleep in past 6am. It had been a long weekend, and I was quite exhausted, but I carried myself to an earlier church that morning at 9 before I went off to waitress that afternoon.. Ok, this is where my weekend did an overall turn to the positive.
I went by myself. Jake took the kids to a later Mass with my brother and sister n law an their kids to give them a little more time to eat breakfast and get ready for church. This was a first for Jake to go by himself with the kids to church. So, I was pretty impressed!
I sat beside my ever - awesome Mom, and listened to a homily from the preist that I needed to hear so bad that morning. The story in a nutshell. Jesus died on the cross so that I can have my life with Jake, Ben and Jonna. My family is my miracle. I can't imagine a life without them, so this was a bit touching at that moment. He died so we could live. The crucifix is a symbol to remind me of this in my faith. Any time I feel sorry for myself, I need to look at a crucifix and remind myself of how really great God is and what he has done for me. He bore that cross so that I can live a life with my family. How wonderful is a gift of that. And the truth is that we all have crosses to bear in life. It is not my job to judge others crosses, but only to carry my cross that best that I can. Whatever it may be.
Talk about feeling like God just gave me a swift kick in the you know what. I needed it. So many thoughts started flowing through my head in that twenty minute homily. I thought, I am going to buy a crucifix and make sure to hang it on the wall. We have crosses at home, but a crucifix is not just a cross, it is a cross with Jesus nailed to it. I also really would like to have one on a chain to wear around my neck. "Jake--note to self Christmas gift request ;)".
I am not a righteous person. I am human and make a lot of mistakes. I don't talk a whole lot about my faith on my blog, but I have to be honest that it molds me into the person I am today. I call it my crutch. What I lean on when I feel a bit handicapped. So, this post may have a little more religious content than wanted for some, but it helps me. And who knows if it helps someone else that might be in a slump.
Moral of my mumbling: I think we all have slumps. I would prefer not to have any, but I think I am human, and it is going to happen. So, if they are going to happen, I am going to prepare myself for ways to make sure that if I feel one coming on, or it starts before I know it, I will find ways to help me get out of them as soon as possible. For my husband, my kids, and my family.
As a celebratory prize for my family after work I came home and said,"We are eating out for dinner tonight!" I wanted it to be a fun place for all of us. Hello Cici's pizza, brownies, and cinnamon rolls. Hello arcade, motorcycle and race car video games, carousel, and Big Buck Hunter! Not bad for a $16 spending fiasco on a family of four.
Ended up being a perfect Sunday, ending with a bike ride and lots of hugs, giggles, and kisses. All is well in Holee land.
Another week to come, and I am excited to be on the up and up.
