CHRISTMAS DAY!

What a day! It doesn't feel like a normal Christmas day, but then again it is much different than any Christmas's prior.

Jake and I have been so blessed, and we have had a great year to say the least. Benjamin is just short of a year and a 1/2 old and been the best miracle in our lives.

We celebrated yesterday morning with Santa coming to our house. Jake is at work today, and while Ben is napping I thought what a better time to give some great updates before we are off tomorrow to head to Utah to celebrate with the Holee family.

As some of you may know, we have our own Christmas surprise, I am almost 10 weeks pregnant with another brother or sister for Benjamin! To add a little about the past weeks in brackets below for your reading desire are some journals during this pregnancy so far.
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I just got back from my 6 week check up with our new baby due July 21, 2008. We found out on November 9, 2008. Quite ironic because we found out we were pregnant with Ben on November 9, 2007. My feelings could be explained as relieved at this point, but the coast is not clear really until birth.

The visit went good. We got to see a yolk sac but no baby quite yet. The ultrasonographer believed that the baby was just too small and that it was a good sign to see the yolc sac. She also said that my constant nausea and throwing up for the last week are great signs that I have a healthy baby in there.

So, this is my first time writing about you, and I want you to know how extremely excited Jake and I are to have you in our lives. It is very soon, and you can imagine we are very scared and in a way don't want to get our hopes up, if God decides to keep you with him. NOt quite sure if I could handle that one, so we try not to think about it, and trust in him.

We do know that we don't have twins, which i had this sneaky suspicion last week I did because of how quickly I became nauseas, how quickly the test was positive, and the growing stretching sensation I already feel in my uterus. That feeling could also be scar tissue from my c-section also, because I did read my uterus is working overtime to get ready to carry a full term baby.

I don't remember feeling this nauseas with Benjamin and if I did it wasn't till I was seven weeks along that it started. I also do not remember feeling so completely exhausted. I never felt that I went through the "tired" first trimester stage. But it is kicking in high gear this time. Of course, i never had any signs at all during the pregnancy with Bean. So, this all in all is great and reassuring. It could possibly have something to do with taking care of a toddler too, but who knows.

We haven't told anyone about you yet, except family and close friends. I am so skeptical this time, because I remember how hard it was to tell people we lost our baby with Bean. I figured if God did take you early this time, we would have to tell less people that we lost you. For certain, I want you to understand, that we are still 100% excited about being pregnant. I wanted this so much more this time, than I ever felt the desire to have another baby. Your Big brother Ben is getting ready by showing how helpful he is with taking care of his cousin Sydney. He loves to hold her, pet her, pat her, and kind of head butt her. It is really cute, he is just trying to show her so much lovins.

So all is well, and we are right on track. I am counting down the days till next appointment anxious to hear or see your heatbeat in the ultrasound. My prediction at this point is you are a little girl, but of course we won't know until February.
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I am a little over 8 weeks pregnant today. And do you know I have known for over a month now. WOW! That seems impossible. All is well for the most part. I am still constantly sick day and night, but sometimes are better than others. I think I am just getting used to feeling bad. I need to be more careful though, because I have found if I let it get to me too much(mind over matter) I find myself being depressed. So, starting this week, I am going to try to be more positive and much more active. I won't have time to work out at lunch this week, but I will HAVE to make a regimen, so I keep to it. Enough with that.

According to babycenter.com, my baby is about the size of a kidney bean, 5/8 inches long. And its buds for arms and legs and feet are developing. The brain is going at it, and apparently my body is working overtime "making a baby." No wonder I am exhausted! HA! I forgot to mention at my "thought to be" 7 week Ultrasound, came to find out I was only 6 weeks, two days. Your Heart Rate was 126. So, my anticipated due date from July 21 is really going to be July 26th. My brother Johnny's birthday. Only five days off, not to bad I guess. But how did I do that?! not quite sure?! Must be everything else going on.

This pregnancy as I may have mentioned before seems to be so different from Ben's and the short term of Bean's. I kind of think having a toddler at home affects me more than anything. This is one of those times, when I ponder on what exactly I did all the time before Benjamin came along. You know the good thing is, as I was thinking this morning on my way to work.... Is that Ben goes to bed early, so the plus side for me is I go to bed not much longer after he does. So, at least I get to rest early.

I haven't told quite everybody yet. My family knows and a lot of friends, but am not quite ready to tell everyone at work. I am thinking I will after Christmas for certain. I figure most people I know will find out by our "Holee Annual Christmas Letter" to go out in the mail tomorrow. I am not so happy with the photo card, but if that's all we could get out of 75 plus photos, then whatever. Between a moving toddler, and a husband that hates to take pictures, it deemed quite difficult.

Ben has been too funny. He is already patting and rubbing my belly, and I say "there is a baby in Mama's belly!" He just smiles and ooo's and aaa's. He started that with Aunt Terressa when I would show him there was a baby in her belly. Her belly was quite big. But I know this time, I think my tummy is going to "sprout" much quicker then before. I already feel as if I have a baby pooch.

So things are good, and counting down four weeks till the end of the first trimester!

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So, that mostly puts everyone up to date on the overall of this pregnancy.
We are excited, and can't wait. And just an fyi to any other people that are getting ready to have #2, the baby pooch starts to appear quite much earlier than with Baby #1.

Back to Christmas....
Ben got a wagon! Not just any wagon and convertable, top notch, Radio Flyer Wagon, that truly he has shown to be the best gift he has ever received. He saw that under the tree and there was nothing else in the world that mattered including any other presents we tried to get him to open.



Can't get enough of it!



Last night, we celebrated at Grandma and Grandpa Kusicks. He got some very well liked presents there including some "sound" books and a "DOODLE" which he can draw on over and over again and erase and erase. The other favorite was some BIG building leggo blocks from Grandma and Papa, that he played with for over thirty minutes this morning while I cleaned!

Picture of us after Mass!

So, so far it has been wonderful, and we have only begun. Saturday morning, we head to Utah for a straight two hour plane trip with Benjamin. Could be quite eventful to say the least.

And, I have been wanting to also to write about the meaning of Christmas. I am so thankful for our lives and what God has done for us, and I can only hope to try to repay him by maybe just being a little better person. The sermon at Christmas Eve Mass was a great reminder that it's a season to share with family and friends, but also to prepare ourselves for Christ's coming. God is great to us and I am going to do my darndest to be a better person for the new year of 2009.

Just for grins, this is Benjamin "in trouble" sitting in time-out. Which you can see he doesn't think he is in really much trouble!


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Luv You!

I just had the best text from my sister Tasha! She said Ben just said to her "Luv YOU." Tasha works at his daycare. Jake and I have been working on that with him at home. We would say it to him over and over again to try to get him repeat it, and he would laugh or say something else he thought was funny.

That is a game Ben plays with us. We try to get him to say a word, and he mocks us by saying another word. His favorite, is when I try to get him to say Mom! I say "Mom!" And he says "Dad!" and laughs his little mischeivous laugh. Then I say "Mom" again, and he does it again. Then I say "Ben!" and he starts laughing so hard he can't talk. Every so often he sneaks in a Mom, just loud enough for me to hear, and waits to hear my response. If I just look at him and smile, he starts to giggle.

Last night, Benjamin had a very rough night. I think teeth trying to cut still may be the issue, but he was quite a bear. Finally, we were able to grab his two favorite blankets from his crib with a pillow and lay on the ground in his room to calm him. It was just about bathtime and I said. "Daaaaaaaaadddd" Calling for Jake to give Ben a bath, and Ben says a really long, but very sweet "Daaaaaaaaadddddd" And smiles at me. Nothing sweeter than your little child's voice!

I am kind of jealous now, though. Tash sent me another text telling me that he has said "Luv you" twice to her now!

Baby Jackson

Terressa seeing her baby for the first time!

A mother's love is priceless.

Me holding my baby!

Handsome!

Ben holding Baby Jackson.

He was very proud of his little cousin.

Holding my little nephew.

I called him a pretty little baby, even if he is a little boy, he can be "pretty" I reassured Terressa.

In a bind

People have been wondering why I haven't been writing as much lately. There could be several reasons, but mostly it is all random and in a way, I would consider myself in a quarter life crisis......Ha!

I consider myself one to always try to stay positive, no matter what the situation. Usually if something upsets me I have my moment to talk my talk, and get over it, and refer to my mother's famous phrase, "It will all work out." Mind you, there is nothing really wrong in my life right now, I just feel like I am just going through the motion with things day in, day out. Do the same thing, over and over with no real excitement. Christmas is coming, but it seems to cause more rush rush to get things done, which take my mind off the true meaning of Christmas. My highlight of the day is always seeing my little man. The look on his face when I see him after work is the most heart warming feeling I could get. At that one minute, all and any problems melt off my back, and I get to breathe in my little boy. But then as soon as the evening is over, I am off to bed to realize one more day gone, and about to start another one, just as soon as my eyes are closed. I dread a new day. Why is that. I do have some sneaky suspicions, that I will go into more detail later, but now is not the time. I kind of just want to get out of this lull.

Everything is really good in my life, and in season's like these, I know there are so many that the Holidays are their roughest times. With the economy, a lot of people may even be counting their days till the end of their employment. Seriously, I want to tell myself politely to get my head out of my ****. Life is great, I have a stable job I love, a wonderful husband, a blessed little boy, a great outlying family, and a lot of good friends. So, what is my deal.

I had a nightmare the other night. Some may laugh, but I was dreaming about doing something or going somewhere with some random acquaintances, and someone in my dream told me, "OH, you can't come along, you wouldn't be able to handle this because you are too old, You are 28 right?!" And in the dream, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am 28 years old. I have never in my life felt "old" before, but for some reason I do now. This dream may have been provoked by celebrating my little sister's 21st birthday. Seriously, I remember changing her diaper, and now she could go out and have a legal drink with me. WTH!

Last night, I even had a dream that me and my three highschool best buds all dropped everything and hightailed to VEGAS for a few days. Spur of the moment. So, I opted to let them know today by email, 30 was coming and we should plan a girls trip!

Haha, Quarter life crisis....... who would have thought.


I have been through some emotional ups and downs the last couple months, and maybe now that there is a calm...my wonderful non-stop thinking crazy woman mind is going bizerk looking for a problem. Jake would say "oh, Maria, just thinking too much again aren't ya" And I laugh to myself, because I am.

The good thing about writing posts like these is after putting my thoughts or emotions in writing, they always seem to "work out." Kind of like my subconscious mind stepping in to say, everything is just fine. Don't worry, be happy.

So, enough with my thoughts for the day. Tomorrow, I will post some baby pics of my new nephew Jackson Charles born yesterday morning, 7lbs 9oz, and 18 3/4 inches long. Healthy as ever with a head full of dark hair.

Just in Time for Christmas

A friend shared this with me and it made me cry, it is so special! This reminds you what Christmas is about.

Busy times! Baby and Christmas coming!

So, today is going to be fabulous. Baby Jackson is scheduled to be born this morning. Terressa's little boy! Taylor is gonna have a little brother. I took a quick trip to the hospital to drop off our video camera, so it could be taped. I am anxiously awaiting any news.

All is well in the Holee home otherwise. Working on Christmas shopping. The most we have done on-line this year, and it couldn't be easier. We still need a christmas pic and I need to write my annual Christmas letter.....oh by the end of the week. I have to get that out early next week at least! Oh my.

More pics to come later. We did put the Christmas tree up last weekend. Ben thinks it is beautiful as he squats and points at all the lights and ornaments, and says "ooooo" or "aaaaaaa" Now Mugsy, is in some big trouble with the tree. First, he mananged to pull a bulb off(without breaking it) go to a corner, and chew it up. NICE! Last night, he pushed the limit though. When I got home from work, I saw out of the corner of my eye, a little red and black wooden leg. OH man, I was ticked. It was all chewed up and was supposed to be attached to Ben's "1st CHRISTMAS" ornament of a toy soldier!!! I called Jake, practically in tears, and explained what happened, laid it out on the table, and said, "Ok, dear, it is waiting for you at home to be fixed!!" It will always have a chewed stubby leg without a foot, but that will be one of the many memories to come of Ben's Christmas's!

Now if we can just keep Ben from trying to play catch with the Bulbs we will be doing a-ok!

December 08

Oh, man, so much, so much, so much I am behind on. I had gone into a kind of writer's block. I have just had no motivation at all lately, but I am hoping that will get better.

Where do I start?

Well, it has been quite an eventful week at home. That is for sure. Thanksgiving was wonderful. We even had our annual Kusick football game after dinner to celebrate. I think some of the boys are getting old, they all were feeling like they were going to throw up after the game. I participated even. Oh, it was fun. Reminded me of the days when I was young and limber. Reminded me how out of shape I am compared to what I used to be. Granted it was a lot of fun. Elle, Mati, Taylor, and Ben had lots of fun together, hanging out. There favorite was "ring around the Rosey" Over, and over and over again. Everyone laughed at Ben because he would alwasy be so careful when "we all fall down" he would gently place himself on the floor to his side, and if I was there he would fall into my lap. It was hilarious.

So, I have so much to be thankful for. My family, my husband, my son, my friends, my job, our house. We are all okay, and there are many families out there that the holiday season is probably the toughest, so I am so thankful for ours.

Ben came down with a horrible sickness the last couple days. He had a double ear infection, sore throat, and at night was running temperatures up to 103degrees. Scariest thing ever for me. You always hear the horror stories of children with too high temperatures suffering hearing loss. Anyways, come to find out he had Roseola. Yesterday morning, he awoke with the rash all over his face. Looked very uncomfortable, and by late yesterday afternoon it was gone. His doctor guessed it was that when he had his appointment the day before, but couldn't be quite certain for sure, and only told us to rotate motrin and tylenol every four hours for the fever. You bet I did. When his fever would spike, he felt like a fireball in my arms, and then he would shiver with chills. Our poor little guy. One thing about Ben, is he is a trooper. You don't really know he is sick, when he is sick. He always has fussy spells, just like any normal toddler but is usually in good spirits.

So, I hope that is over. We are going to finish the antibiotic and hope it clears his ears. Do you know he has gone five months without an ear infection or antibiotic. I find that quite amazing myself. He still drinks his rice milk, which decreases congestion I am sure. But, as always winter is here and tis the season for germs to take over.
Some random pics, of our little rascal!

Left him alone for less than three minutes to find him taking care of an entire container of wipes in his room.

My smiley man!

Still our little gymnast. Always balancing, and he has found he can climb on the coffee table from his toys. He considers it his little throne.
So this morning, Jake is at home with Ben, but he is also watching Taylor, Ben's cousin. They are about five months apart, and have moments when they LOVE each other then moments when they butt heads quite a bit. I give Props to my hubby today. He offered to take care of both of them, even after I said I stay half a day with him. He said NOPE, he had it under control. I don't find too many man that offer to watch two ornery little toddlers. So go Jake! I am looking forward to the report this afternoon.