Importance of Life and thereafter!

This is going to be as positive a post as possible!

So, I had a great trip to Hermann with the ladies last Saturday. It was awesome, and the Bed and Breakfast was awesome too! Right down to the sausage gravy and biscuits, poached eggs with ham, fried potatoes, cantaloupe, and orange juice! mmmmmm. I would recommend it to anyone.

We had a great time together, but it was a long day! After all said and done, I know I needed it, but really the moment I walked in the door to see Ben and Jonna Doll Baby was the best part out of those two days. I missed them critically. Just not right when you have to be away from them while at work, but a weekend too! Makes me cherish every bit of them. Makes me miss my husband too! Out of the next several days, I think we will get to spend 5 out of 14 nights together and no days! Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Seriously, I miss my man so much!

So, that leads to my next point about Grandma Boo. She passed away last Thursday evening, really early Friday morning. The best part was Doug, Jake's Dad was able to make it there in time from Utah to see her. At first, you just feel sad all over. Really sad. Especially cuz Jake and I kick ourselves for not making it to visit them in time to let them meet Ben and Jonna. Our trip was planned for November. So, on a positive note, I kind of feel closer to her now, more so than while she was away in California. Because I know she can see me, Jake, Ben and Jonna every day! And the best part she is no longer suffering from the cancer! We will still be there in November, but Jake is leaving this Friday to go to the Memorial Service for her. I am glad that he will be able to make it. On the Memorial invitation, it has a picture of Grandma Boo and Grandpa Don sitting together at a picnic table outside last summer. And in the bottom of it, it says, "In honor of Grandma Boo, Bring your favorite pie!" Jake was telling me that Grandma made some of the best pies ever. I think that is really great! Isn't this a great picture?


I wish we could make it too, but it was just going to be too expensive to change all of the tickets for me and the kids. But the good news is that they are going to have a huge family get together to commemorate her life, and hopefully it will be around the time we are there. How awesome is that?! So, big blessings to the Holee family, and Grandpa Don. I can't imagine losing your spouse after 60 years of marriage. How truly amazing is 60 years?!

On another note, let's talk about Baby Big Boy "SUPER Pierce" . Pierce is suffering quite a bit, and as written on his site, may be nearing the end very soon. I don't want to be sad on this post, so I am going to express something a little different here. Honestly, I can't stop crying tears for this little boy and his family. He is exactly 24 days older than Benjamin, and it makes me look at him and Benjamin in a whole other light, that I may never been able to before hearing Pierce's story. I want to express the impact he has had on me in my life, as a mother! He has taught me to never ever take for granted my children. Every moment I see them, I want to absorb every little bit of them. I want to breathe them in like a breath of fresh air and never exhale. In a way, I feel selfish. Like I have taken for granted so much in my life, and don't realize how good I have it. Super Pierce is the most amazing little boy I have ever known, and I have never really met him. He is stronger to me than any muscle bound warrior. He is a little Knight in Shining Armour that has impacted so many lives. He has the sweetest of little smiles, and the most gorgeous eyes! Too look at only his pictures makes my heart melt, and makes me want to be a better person, a better mother, and a better spouse. A better aunt, and a better sister. So, I just want to say Thank you to Pierce! Little guy you have made me a better person!

10 weeks Old, some sleepless nights, a working mother, and a Ladies Trip!

It is so hard for me to just write about one thing in my post, because I continue to have that everlasting thing which occurrs, where I think about some great thing to blog in one day, and then well it all goes out the window because I either forget or can't find the time! So here goes!

Last night while talking to Deena, Jake's Mom. I mentioned that Jonna was 10 weeks old! WTH! How did she become ten weeks old all of a sudden! She is such an absolute doll baby. She is so "kissable, huggable, loveable, unbe-lievable". Haha, I love that song! Anyways, she coos, talks and smiles at me. My favorite part of the day is the time I get with her right after a long days work and she recognizes her Mama and grins from ear to ear with a coo and sigh. She's thinking, "OH MOM, I missed you so much" I love it.

Now Ben, he has become such a great Big Brother. I would estimate that Jonna gets big brother kisses at least 50 times in an evening at home, and that is no exaggeration! He always acts so surprised too when she coos, or her hands hit his face. It's too funny. I can really tell how much she enjoys Ben. She will follow his voice around a room and you can tell she gets excited as she shakes around when he is talking to her. I can't explain how much I love these two kids and watching them interact with each other as brother and sister. And ther is so much more to come.

There can be some sleepless nights. Jonna pretty much wakes up every night after going down somewhere between 9 and 10pm. She ususally will awake anywhere from 230 to 430 to eat, and since am the "milk maker" haha! It's me that gets up with her. But that is okay, because Jake wakes with Benjamin! Yep, Ben still likes to awake sometimes 2 to 3 times a night. He is pretty easy to get back down for the most part except if Jake is gone, and I happen to be feeding Jonna, but that is a whole other story. The roughest night this week would have been this one: Schedule was- Jonna awoke at 130, Ben at 230 and 330, and then Jonna again at 430. My alarm goes off at 545. Jake was working so, I would say I got about hmmmm 3.5 to 4 hours of sleep.

Believe it or not, it wasn't totally bad. I am trying to do everything possible to keep a healthy body with the lack of sleep. Extra B-vitamins, lots of fruits and veggies, protein shakes and fruit smoothies are probably very helpful. Along with that cup of coffee I indulge in to get me going in the morning. Work is busy, so I haven't been taking too much of lunch breaks except enough to go back to our "workout room". This room consists of some dumbbells, a stair stepper, and treadmill. Granted I don't use the treadmill. But I do just enough to get my heart pumping and metabolism up to carry through in the afternoon.

So, I am a working mother, and when I stop to think about it, I realize how proud I am of myself. I do love my job, but Man I love my kids too. Financially, even if I watched both at home, I don't know that we could do it if I didn't work. So, this is the best feasible option for us. And well, I can tell you from the minute I drop my kids off at 7am I am counting the minutes till 5pm when I can grab both of them up and just breath them in with a great big squeeze and hug. My absolute best part of the evening is #1 When Jonna sees me and shows me how much she misses me by the coos and snuggling. My talking too and loving on her. #2 When Ben calms down when we get home and lays back to enjoy a cup of milk. He loves it when Jake or I go up to snuggle with him while he is relaxing. Man, I seriously take these two moments, and stop to breathe both of them in. Literally, I take big deep breaths of smelling my kids. Haha. There is no other better smell! I don't take advantage of a single moment I get with them and that has made me a pretty darn good Mama!

AND! Ladies night to Hermann here we come! Saturday my sister and I and four of my girl friends are heading to Hermann, MO to do some wine touring and tasting, and lots of eating I hope too!! Then we stay at a B&B that night. I think this is some of the girls first experience at a B&B and I hope we aren't disappointed. I read the reviews and sound like Breakfast is gonna be great.
So, I feel extra guilty about leaving my family, as the day slowly arrives. Not only I won't see my kids for about 24 hours, but I won't get to spend much time with Jake either. Truth of the matter is, I need some sane girl time! It will be good for me. And I know the kids need that extra time with Dad too!

So there it is! A breif summation of what's going on! Man, I am blessed. Wouldn't change any of this for a moment!

All is well in Holee land!

A familiar weekend with family of four!

So another uneventful weekend, but all too nice at the same time. It is very important to find things to do while at home a full day with Ben. He is a much better child when doing activities verses being cooped up inside all day. By 10am we had taken two walks/bikerides around the neighborhood. He likes to take breaks in the middle of the walk by putting his bike in the underpart of the Jonna's stroller. It actually fits. So, after that we called Dad to let him know we were coming to visit him at the firestation. This truly is one of Ben's all time favorit things to do. We had to show off his new accomplishment. Ben can pedal his bike! He still likes to do flinstone style for the most part because he goes faster, but he can actually do it now by himself. So we showed up a half hour later with lunch for Dad, and we all sat at the table and had enjoyed our meal together like a happy little family. That is one thing nice about Jake working on a weekend. We can usually show up any time to hang, as long as they aren't on a call or away from the station.

You think these two look alike?!
Ben climbed up in the driver's seat of the fire engine as always, and played around with the lights and sirens with Dad's supervision. Jonna just soaked up the sun. She loves being outside all times of the day.
Look at him go!

Jonna 2 month Well check up!

Poor baby got three shots today! Thanks Jake for taking her to the doctor so I didn't have to see her get the shots.

24 inches long, 13lbs, 14oz. 90% height, and 95% weight! That's my girl!!!

Thomas Francis, Tommy, Tom, Too Tall, Specialist Kusick.

What better time than the present to pick up and talk about my next sibling, Tommy. He is my younger brother by a little less than two years, 27 years old.

I just sat and ate lunch with my brother, and talked to him more in that hour about life and things going on than I may have done over the past year. Tommy has always kept more so to himself, and I will be straightforward to say we have never been really that close.

He grew up most of his childhood with the rest of us older ones in the little old town Frankenstein. I believe he was in 6th grade the year we moved to Jeff City.

One good story, and sad at the same time is when we had chickens and roosters that actually ran free in our yard at our old house. Well, one day, Tommy was fourish, they got all worked up and in an outbreak actually attacked/pecked away at Tommy. Mom said it was one of the scariest things ever, and that night, everyone of the roosters was gone. That is putting it nicely. Poor Tommy had to learn to be pretty tough at a young age!

Tommy was the cutest of little boys, and has grown up to be quite a goodlooking kid (man). He is short like all my brothers and my dad, but that doesn't make it any easier for them. Being 5 foot tall of the male race can be kind of difficult at times. For some reason, the short jokes never get old coming from others. Seriously, how many times do you think you could hear a person call you shorty, or a midget and that person laugh like it was the first time that joke ever been said. Short jokes, I guess you gotta love them. I think overall this has made Tommy grow and succeed in more ways than he thought possible.

Tommy may be short but he is stronger than a bull. And I mean that. He won an award in highschool for benchpressing twice his weight pound for pound! That is amazing. He was a great wrestler and placed 3rd in state in Highschool his senior year, and went on to wrestle at Missouri Baptist in College. From college he went on to the National Guard and that is going to put us up to present day. He has excelled over and over in the guard always scoring top in the PT (Physcial Training) Tests. Often, he is asked if he want to move up and become more of a leader. He has been hesitant to do so, but what an accomplishment.

My brother is leaving in less than a month to "Active" Infantry in Afghanistan. He will be leaving this weekend for Wisconsin for the last of his training before he leaves to start his first tour. Today was the last time I will see him until he returns from duty.

I give major props to my brother. I dont' think I could be any more proud. He acted as if it was no big deal and didn't want anyone making a big deal of his future. Seriously?! I mean seriously! I can't imagine what lies ahead of him. He just kept saying they are training us for everything, and it will be okay. I have never known anyone close to me that has served overseas let alone infantry.

I had the best time with him at lunch, that maybe I appreciated more than he knew. Today hit me quite differently than any other day. We talked. He told me his nicknames, and stories of his training. Mentioned his friends that he is going over with, Gillespie, and Rooster. I laughed as he told me the story of him and his Platoon leader wrestling around and he took him down. The story would probably be no big deal, except Tommy said he was three times his size.

I seem to often forget of everything that goes on around me in everyday life for other people. I get caught up in just everyday things with me, Jake, Jonna and Ben. Tommy reminded me of a life out there for our soldiers that I will never know, and they will face or see things that I will never see in my lifetime. It's just crazy, and when I said Goodbye and hugged him when I dropped him off, it seemed to hit like a ton of bricks. I love my brother and am so thankful for what he is doing for our nation. I would never have the guts to do it.

So major props and prayers for my brother Tommy! Way to go Tom! This big sister loves you and is so proud!

3 Notes

1) It is a good thing that Jake and I have the same views or at least agree on some of the political issues that go on. I can't imagine having completly different beliefs on government with your spouse. And since, I don't like talking much about politics anyways, that is all I have to say about that.

2) Jonna slept from 9-4am last night!!!! Wooooohoooo! Now if Ben could learn from his little sister.

3) Benjamin has become the man of the house when Jake is gone. He becomes very serious and concerned when I ask for his help with things. And then often comments on how he helped me in a very serious voice afterwards. And then I in return talk to him like an adult with much appreciation. I wish we could tape our conversations sometimes when Jake is away.

Jonna almost two months!

The many faces of Jonna!

She is growing up so quickly! She coos and has this little excitement screech now. She has found her hands, and likes to suck on them. She lays on her playmat, and just looks around. I can lay her flat on a hard surface and she loves it, but lay her on a bed of soft cushy surface and she is crying in seconds. She has even learned to kick the sides of the playmat, and make her toys that hang above rattle and shake. I love it. She is just growing up so quickly.

Not much of a binky gal. She will take it when she is really tired, and doesn't want to sleep. As soon as she gives in it pops right out of her mouth. So darn cute.

She had a week of colic in the evenings. And still has some episodes, but it hasn't been near as bad. We love the gas drops, and also use a natural remedy called "Stress relief, Rescue Remedy" which we had initially found and used when Ben flew on a plane the first time. It's pretty extraordinary stuff!

So, being back at work. It has been going good. Kind of met a whirlwind of work, but that was expected. I realized how much I love my kids as a working mother. It just re- iterates the phrase, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Not that I don't love them to the ultimate already. But man, when I am with them now, I don't want to miss a moment. I don't want to take advantage of the time that we do have together. Yesterday, we had a great family day, even Jake was home. Went to church, walmart, hung out at home, went a long walk together, and had a dinner fit for kings and queens. I love it. I had to sit for a moment last night and just absorb it all in. I am just so thankful to be where I am today and have my family with me.

Last day at home with Jonna and she is 8 weeks old!

So, on my previous post, I vented a lot, but today is so different. I am very nervous about sending Jonna off to daycare tomorrow. You know only one person can take care of their baby like no other and that is "MOM"! I am tryin to soak up as much as I can of Baby Jonna today, like no other. She is so cuddly, and I can't seem to get enough. I have been spending the morning, packing all of her stuff up that daycare will need. Wow, did I underestimate preparation or what? Diapers, wipes, binkies, milk, gas drops, more milk (frozen), three outfits (that is the average of what she goes through in a day) diaper ointment, and bottles. Whew! Ok, that doesn't seem like much, I guess, but I keep questioning what I am forgetting.

I also worry about getting out of here and the kids dropped off by 7am and me to work by 730. I have already laid my work clothes out and it is 1pm. HA! Jake will be home tonight, so that will be helpful, but will be gone by 530am tomorrow. So, as much as I can get done tonight I will! I will shower and lay out kids clothes, prepare bottles, and so forth. Jonna's sleeping schedule is random, but I am usually up anywhere between 5am to 6:30am feeding her, so either is doable. I know I stress now, but I know I will laugh at myself a few weeks from now about all my stress.

I don't think I have mentioned enough in the last 8 weeks how much I absolutely love my kids, so much I really do want to explode sometimes. I do have a lot of trying moments, but I wouldn't change one thing in the world of where we are right now. They are seriously the most amazing gifts from God ever. There are families out there that have sick children and I need to be so thankful, that I have two healthy ones. We really are blessed, and I don't ever want to take that for granted. Or be selfish in my own thoughts thinking life is too rough. Because really we are doing just fine, and we will be ok.

But, I still need prayers for Jonna and me tomorrow!

Some 8 weeks pictures of my chunky Jonna Baby!





And another self-picture of Ben and I!

My pure Honesty Post

I am always trying to stay positive and buck up as a mother, but I will be truly honest and say, sometimes I feel like I am a failure as a Mom and Wife. Why do you ask? Throw two children in there, both are sick (But both are gettin much better), a four day weekend and my hubby is there less than half of it with an average of 4 hours of sleep a night. Well, patience is worn thin, I (am) look a mess, and often I want to throw my hands up and scream. Ok, sometimes I do, either that or cry.

I constantly ask, "what the heck is wrong with me?" A million mothers do this a day, and some have more than two kids, why can't I be a better Mom and handle this like a breeze?

How much would I say I have prayed in the last 72 hours. I feel like I am asking God for strength to suck it up on the hour. But, then there are moments like these, when Jonna is sleeping in her swing, Ben is watching Elmo quietly. And we just went on a 1/2 hour walk outside in peace and quiet. Ben rode his bike and Jonna laid awake and happy in her stroller. So nice.

You ask why is it so tough? Well, when your poor baby girl has a 2 hour fit with a belly ache, and you have no idea what to do for her to make her feel better, while your two year old gets no attention and in order to get it, he throws several temper tantrums resulting in screaming, crying, or hitting. It makes it a little difficult I guess. Then, prepare yourself. You will have calm after the storm, but then four hours later, this episode may repeat itself.

Sometimes, I feel like Jake could pick up the pace at home, but then I give him props for working so much. He was so much help at home yesterday when he was here, and I even got to take a nap. But to tell you the truth, I feel like I would rather work an 8 hour day and then head home than do this day in and out. I guess I will find out when I head back to work this Thursday. Is it bad that I am looking forward to it? Do I need to get out of the house? Probably, I need to go on a three day vacation. Ha, no, not really. I know I couldn't stand to be away from my kids for that long, let alone this coming thursday, when I have to drop them off at 7am and won't be able to get to them till 5pm. Shari is probably going to be hearing from me several times that day.

I know things will get better, and this time shall pass. So, that is my venting for the day, just gotta let it out sometimes. Writing is my own little bit of therapy.

With all the chaos, I do manage to have some picture happy fun with my kids though!





Ben is watching Diego! Yes, Dora and Diego have been a huge help to me in the last few days!

Jonna is talking to me with coo's and smiles all the time now. Of course, especially after eating.

Ben likes to lay on the same blanket that Jonna is on. Just isn't right if he isn't laying right beside her.

7 weeks old....see any resemblance

Benjamin almost 7 weeks

7 weeks on the day

And this is Jonna at 7 weeks! MAN!

Haha, each time I compare their pictures I giggle a inside. We have created a clone, just another gender. But that is okay, because I am pretty sure, if she continues to take after her brother, she is going to be the most beautiful little girl:)! Watch out Jake and Ben, come the time when boys are knocking.
She is eating 5oz a feeding, wearing some 0-3 months, but can fit many 3-6 months. Just like Ben at this age! She usually has one spurt of sleeping about 5 hours at night, and then remains every 3 for the most part between feeding. Two nights ago, she ate at 8:15 and then not again till 2:15. It was awesome. I hope she breaks that record. She has caught a little bug, which I hope she gets over quick! I am headed to work one week from today. YIKES! But I am ready to get back into the swing of things and try some sort of schedule.
She had a rash for a while, that we thought was excema, and I believe it was a form of it, but also she seemed allergic to something so we have switched detergents, and still bathe her only every other night or every two, with a non-hypoallergenic wash, and use vaseline as her lotion. It's much less greasy than you would think. She has that baby soft skin again, that I love so much. And she may not have the baby smell, but I can tell how much happier she is with out the irritant skin.

Benjamin has become quite the talker, repeating absolutely everything we say, especially, "Good Job Ben" haha, too funny. He likes to call Dad, "JAKE" when he wants his attention or when I want Jake. It is funny, but we really try to teach him to call Dad, Dad! We go for rides in the bike trailer almost every night that Jake is at home. Kind of mine and Benjamin's time. I am pretty sure it is pretty relaxing for the both of us.

Props to Jake: who has been working non-stop. He has been working his regular fire schedule and working at Best buy on an average of 25 hours a week. Doesn't give him much time for himself, but I want him to know how much I appreciate it. We are working on saving for our trip to California to visit family. I also hope to pick up a few nights waitressing or bartending to help out.

Otherwise, all is well in Holee land!

P.S. Please continue to keep Pierce in your prayers, they are headed home so that he may rest. I can't imagine what they are going through as a family and this little boy. All the love and prayers to them.

Also, prayers for our Grandma Boo who last heard will be headed to a rehabilitation center, and to Grandpa Don now (her husband) who hurt his foot and is in the hospital also. When it rains it pours. He is a diabetic and as many know the result can be slow healing. So bless them also in your prayers.

Jonna Baby!

Mom got camera happy today!


My lil Chunk!

Check out the cute flower on her headband! I made that! NO BD!

What's up Mom! Oh....takin another picture

Jonna's Baptism

On our way to her big day!

Snoozed all through Church!

Proud God parents, Jessica and Jason

Proud Family!

She was so good!

Look at that crew! My entire family was there with all the cousins. Only one missing out was my brother Tommy who is away traing in the military for a tour in Afganistan. And Jessica, Jake's sister and her kids made it also!

The baptismal candle lit from the Eternity candle as seen below is held by the parents and godparents to symbolize that all of us will be good role models for Jonna and help her be raised with a strong Christian faith.



Being baptized with water

And annointed with oil on her chest.


Group pictures with Godparents and Father Ben, who held a great ceremony. He was so great with the kids, and then kept calling our Benjamin, Father Ben. :)

Had to get a picture of the Godfather holding her too!

It was such a great day! We even celebrated with a big meal at Steve's afterwards. MMMM. gotta love the fried chicken, potatoes gravy, cole slaw, applesauce, and more. I think I get hungry writing about it!! HA!

Thanks to everyone for making it a great day for Jonna!