I can just feel the determination and destination in Benjamin's walk outside...he is his father, on his way and no one better get in the way! And the little one...our little dynamite that continues her march into life, with the same determination as her big brother. No fear. Many bumps and bruises. Goose eggs and scrapes. I keep saying, I expect much from her, and yet will accept all that arrives. I just want to help both of them to always hold high their beautiful faces, look to the brightest lights around them. I want them to take their place at the table. I want them to initiate conversation. I want them to walk ahead and not behind. I want them to embrace any "differences" as "distinctions" and not deficits. I want them to claim a lead and not a supporting role in our life together. And it starts with little things...like finding their shadow.
This is a post I share, with a comment I kind of borrowed partially from a favorite
blog. But it fits so well into my own two children. I thank God for his blessings. Making them healthy, making them strong. They each open up differently a little each day. Their growth amazes me.
Benjamin tells stories that intrigue me. He remember's everything, but it always happened "last night". Remember last night, when I crashed on my bike. Remember, last night when I burnt my hand on the go cart. Remember, last night, when we were at Aunt Jessica's house, and I burnt my mouth on the hot cereal. Remember, last night when Dad drove the four wheeler real fast. Remember, last night when we rode the green motorcyle. Remember, last night, when we put our head in the bucket of water. Remember, last night when Jonna fell from the couch. Remember, last night when I drank all my chocolate milk. Remember last night, when the man fell off the horse.
And the best, is when we have our head bunting battles. We go at it, he doesn't give in, nor do I. Mama is the boss, and he tries to tell me no. He plays too hard with his sister, and I correct him. Boy, does he get angry. The boy is so sensitive. I can't tell whether he is actually mad at me or if he is more mad at himself for hurting his sister. Last night, he was laying in tub, and started splashing with his legs, and kicked Jonna. Jonna cried just for a second to show Ben she was annoyed. I had already told him umpteen times not to kick, so I had to correct him. We stared each other down. I ususally win. And he grunts. "uhh-uhhh". The threatenings of spankins are constantly popping out my mouth. So, an hour later. Jonna was put to bed. And Ben snuggles close to me. He says, Mom, I am sorry I kicked and splashed Jonna in the bathtub. I am sorry. I won't do it again. I love you. I love you this much, and he spreads his arms out as far as he can go. I love Jonna this much too.
My heart lights up in moments like these. I kind of welt up, and that heart pounds through my eyeballs, as I fight back tears of joy. I am so proud of my son. He is going to do great things someday. He is gonna make his mark, like no other. And I can't wait to be the proud mother to stand by and say, Yep, that is my son.
Now, my Jonna baby. She knows how to shake her head "no". Such as, "you wanna get out of the swing?" responds with the shake and that smile that makes you smile back. The "high five". The four tooth underbite grin. The touch of red in her hair that makes that attitude stand out just a little more. The excitement she has when she sees Mugsy in the morning. I sware she knows how to say his name, Muggy. And I can't put it past her. I sware I have heard her say Tank oo. And Pease. She will eat more icecream in one sitting than a a three hundred pound man. Her green snuggle blanket, can almost soothe her at any moment. I don't remember her ever relying on her pacifier. And will sleep all night long. If she wakes before us. She will silently play in her bed. Strawberries, Grapes, Bananas. That is her little piece of heaven.
She can wear a pigtail to the side like I can wear my red boots! She toddles in her walk. Both hands out trying to balance. She prefers to first climb up a slide before she slides down. She loves the grass. She loves to taste absolutely everything, and usually finds it isn't worth eating....grass, dirt clods, rocks, flowers. If Benjamin has something, she wants it. If Benjamin is hiding, she wants to hide right next to him. She can "broom, broom" a race car better than her brother. And she is best at it while we are sitting in church listening to a homily when all should be quiet. The smiles I get from families, watching my little girl all dressed up in a pretty polka dot dress with bows in her hair, and playing with race cars with her brother, makes me know that she is my daughter.
She resembles my two sisters, Jessica and Katrina. With her little chin, and her pixie face.
Her favorite game may still be peek a boo. She is a sweet doll baby, that will snuggle me when she knows I need a hug. She will stick that tongue out when she concentrates hard, just like her brother. She can bust a move, when the music is just right, and she is ALWAYS, ALWAYS at her Mama's side to be of help.
I love my prince and princess. They are a joy of life that I still say I can't explain. And on those days, that I question my sanity, and my every aspect of me being a mother. I smile, and think. Oh, yes we will have the trilogy.
