Ben got a shirt that says......

On August 28th, actually my best friends birthday, I decided to buy three pregnancy tests at Dollar General(Ladies, they are only a dollar!) to prepare for the months of ahead when Jake and I planned on trying for another baby. I decided to use one, knowing that I was supposed to have my monthly friend come any day. Figured I would use this one, and still have two left for the future months. I did have a very weird feeling before taking it. Ya know all the "what if's" go over and over in my head, but I was assured I was not pregnant yet. We weren't even trying, and that would be too easy. With Ben we tried for four months.

Well, God decided it was time. He had other plans than Jake and I. So, I took the test at work. After a minute it looked negative, I sighed not really happy or sad, but figured it to be negative anyways. I went to lunch and came back. I decided maybe I should look at the results one more time, JUST in case. Remembering with Ben it took several minutes for the first test to show postitive. Well, low and behold, TWO lines and a positive test. My heart at that moment leaped into my chest. I literally couldn't breathe for a moment. Tears came to my eyes. I immediately said a prayer. It was like instinct. Dear God protect this baby inside me, and help it to grow healthy and strong. I even think I called "him" baby bean in that first hour, so I am pretty sure this will be the nickname from here on out. The tears were of anxiety, excitedness, and yes, Scared! Ben and baby bean were going to be less than two years apart. OH MY! How could I handle that?

I called Jake once I gathered myself together. I said, I am sending you a text, and DON'T say anything when you get it. He was at work at the fire station. He says, "uh okay". He could tell the anxiousness in my voice, and knew something was up. I send the picture of the positive test, and he texts back...."Hmmmmmm" --Pretty certain I caught him by surprise. But, I won't lie, I really 'wanted' more than that! A few minutes later he texts me to say, "i have axious and scared feelings." Right here in the same boat, hon. haha. Well, he was at work busy, and couldn't really say much. We were both pretty blown away.

I sat at my desk for several minutes looking on in a daze. I figured it would be about the end of May our little one would come. Looked at the "ovulation calendar" wondering How I messed up on my "days". Then went straight to the Baby Develpment Calendar on baby center.com to see exactly where bean was at in development. Just in cellular division and implantation.. Really only two weeks/maybe three I guess, from conception day. I really don't know.

WOW! Reminding myself, I am pregnant. And, I actually took five tests just to make certain. ha!

The next thought is, "Ben is going to have a brother." As I was taking the test, I was thinking a girl, but as soon as I knew it was positive, I 'felt' boy! So we shall see. Every single waking/sleeping moment I remind myself, "Baby" which puts me on my health track. Back to all my multi-vitamins with Essential Fatty Acids, Calcium, Iron, and Folic Acid. And the wonderful soy protein shakes I have been drinking every morning since Friday. My first thought was wait till the end of the month to let everyone know. Each minute that passed, I was so anxious to share the wonderful news.

So, Sunday after Church we went over to Grandma and Papa K's house with Ben wearing a shirt that says, "Big Brother." Took them both a second. My Dad saw it first, and paused then said Congratulations, and put a blessing on my forehead. Ben had just awaken from a nap and had his clueless, tired, leave me alone, look on his face. But the shirt said the rest. Ha. Mom was coming up the steps, and we were standing at the top. I said, look at Ben's new shirt. She looked and said the words then screamed in excitement. Gave me a big hug and then Jake too.

Uncle Charlie kept saying to Ben, "aren't you excited to have a big brother" Even he thinks he is going to have another nephew.

We had just talked a couple hours before about switching out bunkbeds with Mom and Dad for a queen bed that we have at home....when a new baby comes.... Mom quickly reminded me saying, I guess you are gonna need those bunkbeds sooner than you thought. HA!

There is always the fear of being able to afford a new baby and it's coming. By the fifth day when I wrote this, I was filled with the uptmost excitement and still am. Ben, my sister Katie and I went for a morning walk last weekend on labor day, and I could barely hold my excitement in.

I had a friend(Jesse) explain the love for a child once to me before I ever had Benjamin. And another friend(Lori) talked in her blog about the future and how a person could have love for TWO children. I always wondered the same after having Ben. How could I share this love I have for Benjamin? As soon as the moment I was pregnant, and as a natural feeling as ever, it was like my love multiplied. I felt as though I would explode with all these feelings and love I felt.

Ben is going to be in for quite the surprise, but he is really going to be such a good big brother! It may still be sinking in for Jake, but pretty sure it is going to hit him like a bull-dozer at birth, just like it did with Ben. Both of us broke down almost collapsing the first time we saw each other in the hospital room alone after Ben was delivered. I remember Jake didn't want to leave our sides. He went home the second night we were at the hospital, and said he couldn't sleep, and was up all night. Thinking about getting back to us. Waiting for the alarm to go off so he could leave for the hospital. If I remember correctly, he ran several errands before getting back in our room and was there at 7am.

We have created two miracles together. God has given us this chance. I want nothing more than another healthy baby. God take care of us.

As I sat and wrote this, Benjamin was napping, and I remember wondering. How did this happen? WELLL....... haha! We know how this happened, but really why are we so blessed. I have never been more thankful in my life, and am overwhelmed. I already have felt this pregnancy is a little different. I don't remember feeling so bloated or aloof, or in awe. But I am pretty sure I was. I guess you really do forget a lot of things. It feels like yesterday I was pregnant with Ben, but it was 14 months ago.. They are going to be 14 months apart. Crazy! Soooo much more to write in time...............

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.